SATIRE — This is a fictional parody inspired by real news. All dialogue and comic details are invented.
NEW YORK — Baseball fans across the country are confronting a difficult hypothetical question: if Major League Baseball’s proposed shorter regular season happens, what are they supposed to do with the evenings?
One entirely fictional dad has already discovered a garage behind his house. Preliminary inspection revealed a shelf he began installing during a rain delay several seasons ago.
“I thought that was the practice shelf,” he said. “Apparently it was the actual shelf.”
In the fictional household negotiations, the garage shelf offered no concessions. It has waited through seven playoff runs and one rebuilding year. It knows damn well what “I’ll get to it Sunday” means.
An unexpected opening in the schedule
In The Daily Holler’s imaginary household forecast, the eight games removed from the regular season have immediately been replaced by a best-of-seven series against a sticking screen door.
The door currently leads three games to none.
A second fan has proposed using the additional evenings to reconnect with his family. His family has welcomed the idea but asked him not to provide color commentary while they load the dishwasher.
“He keeps saying the bottom rack has tremendous upside,” said his fictional spouse. “It has plates.”
October has entered the chat
Any celebration of the hypothetical free time was interrupted when fans noticed that the proposal also includes a longer Division Series.
The garage shelf has responded by requesting that its own installation be extended to seven attempts. The screen door is prepared to accept the change, provided it receives home-field advantage.
Our imaginary dad says he supports whatever arrangement protects the long-term health of the sport. He would also appreciate enough notice to explain why the lawn mower is parked in the dining room.
At press time, he had returned to watching highlights, an activity unaffected by the total number of games because there is always a man online willing to explain a pitch from 1987.
The real story behind the joke: AP reported on October 8 that MLB proposed reducing the regular season from 162 to 154 games beginning in 2029 and expanding the Division Series to best-of-seven. These are bargaining proposals, not adopted rules. Read AP’s reporting.
Source checked October 9, 2026. Artwork: AI-generated satire illustration, not a news photograph.